Chosen & Loved

There were things Sam and I enjoyed doing as single individuals that we brought into our family life when we got married. Now that we’re raising a little girl, we’ve intentionally woven some of these into our daily rhythm so Lorie can grow up with them, too.

Seeing her enjoy these things with her innocent amusement and natural curiosity gives us so much joy as first-time parents.

Here’s a glimpse of our regular rhythm as a family.

Morning and Night Prayers

We have set up a little altar with images of Jesus, Our Lady, and the Holy Family, along with a candle and holy water. In the morning, when we get up, Daddy leads us in a short prayer and the reading of the Gospel for the day. Then we ask Lorie to say her prayers.

Sometimes she says words like “healthy,” “playtime,” and “cousins.” Sometimes she says, “I don’t like to pray.” And that’s okay.

On slower mornings, we sing worship songs while Daddy strums the guitar. Lorie particularly likes Worship the Lord by Norman McKinley.

My personal favorite is our night prayers. Sam again leads us in a short thanksgiving prayer, and then we sing. When we were single, Sam and I learned a chant that we sing before bed, which Lorie probably finds soothing. She has already memorized it, and it always amuses me when she sings it with us!

Then she asks for a blessing (in the Philippines, we call it “mano po” or “bless”) and kisses us.

Of course, Lorie doesn’t keep still throughout these prayers. She roams around even while singing. But it’s important to us that she appreciates, from an early age, that we start and end our days with prayer.

Mealtimes

As work-from-home parents, it’s a privilege that we get to spend every meal as a family. By now, Lorie is already the one leading the blessing of the food and the thanksgiving prayer to close the meal.

She would say, “Everybody, let’s pray,” and police those who aren’t holding their hands together in the prayer gesture.

During meals, she always wants to be included in the conversation. Since she goes to a community playschool in the morning, we ask her what she did in school. Funny how she always starts her story with, “I did not push somebody anymore.” LOL.

During dinner, she finds it amusing to tell everyone her bedtime routine. She’ll raise her hand and say, “Lolo, this is my routine.” Then, raising one finger at a time, starting with her pinky, she’ll say, “Bath, milk, brush, read, pray,” before putting both hands together under her cheek in a sleeping gesture: “and sleep.”

Some meals are a struggle to get her to eat more – or even to eat at all. But most of the time, mealtimes are our way of connecting and including her in the conversation. It’s where she picks up little things like not talking with her mouth full, listening when others are speaking, and asking for something politely.

Playtime and One-on-One Dates

Having a toddler around, everything is playtime. But we try to do things more intentionally.

Early on, Lorie established that Mommy was the preferred parent. After Gotcha Day, it took a while (around six weeks, to be exact) for Sam to connect with her and have some Daddy-Lorie time. But with consistency, Sam has wooed her over, and they can now spend hours together without calling Mommy every five minutes.

Somehow, we’ve established that mornings are with Mommy, while afternoons are Daddy’s playtime with Lorie.

Regular dialogues and dates are also important for our marriage. Since our engagement, we’ve committed to protecting our weekly check-ins, where we discuss household matters and major decisions – or even just tell each other (mostly me telling him) what annoyed us (me) that week.

Date nights used to mean weekly eat-outs, movie time, or coffee. With a toddler in tow, we’ve had to get creative. Now it looks like beer and chips over a movie on the laptop, singing along to our road-trip playlist while driving to the next province (aka travel time for errands), or tending to the vegetable garden together.

Our regular one-on-ones with each other and with our daughter don’t need to be extraordinary or fancy. What’s important to us is the discipline of consistency and the connection we’re building.

Observing the Sabbath

We are a Christian family, and attending Holy Mass on Sundays is important to us. We’ve managed to make Sunday mornings less chaotic by preparing on Saturday – both body and soul.

Celebrating the Lord’s Day on Saturday evening has apparently become one of Lorie’s favorite family customs. Lord’s Day is simply a festive meal bookended by longer-than-usual blessings and thanksgiving prayers. More importantly, it’s a remembrance of the Lord’s Resurrection.

After nap time on Saturday, I’ll tell Lorie, “We need to prepare for Lord’s Day.” She’ll instantly go through her wardrobe and look for fancier clothes. Mommy prepares a special meal, while Daddy practices worship songs on the guitar.

During the meal, we ask everyone to share what they are thankful for. When it’s Lorie’s turn, she’ll say things like “Mommy and Daddy,” “school,” or “playtime.”

We’re also trying to establish that weekends are a time to rest – and her time to have some screen time and watch Stillwater or Daniel Tiger.

Before bed, we tell her, “Tomorrow is Sunday. Where do we go on Sundays?”

“To church,” she replies.

Then I ask, “What do we do in church?”

“Pray, listen, and sing.”

And then I let her choose her Sunday’s best.

There are many things we wish Lorie would learn as she grows up, and many fond memories we hope she’ll have of her ordinary childhood. With intentionality and naturalness, we hope she comes to appreciate that faith is an ordinary and beautiful part of our family life.

Connecting with Community

It really does take a village to raise a child.

Since we live in the faraway countryside (saving that story for another post), our village now looks like family and friends who are miles away from us, connected by technology.

Random video calls with our favorite people are simply part of our day. Lorie would request to call this cousin, that Tita, or this friend – and that would be my cue to reconnect with people who matter to us.

Lorie also knows my officemates by name. She knows when I’m having a meeting when she sees heads bobbing on my laptop screen and will try to pop her head in, too. She’ll ask to say hi or goodbye to them.

It’s the same when Sam and I have our respective online meetings with our small support group based in Manila. Lorie says hi to them and asks to see their children on the screen.

When I think about it, this is one of the silver linings of the pandemic: making us closer and the world smaller.

When we visit Manila occasionally, we also make sure to see these people in person. When we can, we plan trips or quick get-togethers with them. It takes a lot of planning and effort with young children in the mix, but we gladly take the inconvenience for the excitement of seeing Lorie enjoy the company of these people – and finally having adult conversations in person!

There are also growing relationships with the literal community where we live now through the BEC (Basic Ecclesial Community) we are part of, and we strive to nurture these friendships.

We show up every week for the Sunday service or gimong in the native dialect – a liturgical celebration in lieu of Holy Mass, since there are only two parish priests pastoring the whole town. We are also visible in the larger parish community and available in any capacity in which we can be of service.

It’s more complicated with Lorie by our side, but we make sure to involve her as early as now. She joins us in the gimong every Sunday and in other parish activities, visits to elderly relatives and wakes, and, of course, clan and tribe reunions dressed in our native attire.

I remember a time before Lorie joined our family, when Sam told me that he wished for our children to be hospitable and visible when we have visitors or when we engage with people.

I think we were blessed with a child who genuinely enjoys connecting with people more than her introverted parents.